just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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