I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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