I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
