Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
