I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
