Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
we should paint friendship bongs
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
