I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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