So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
