No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
