I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
