I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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