You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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