So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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