Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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