My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We don't watch enough power rangers
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
