Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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