Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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