i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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