I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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