One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
