No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
