hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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