Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
