She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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