My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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