We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
