I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
