he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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