I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
