GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
