i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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