I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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