I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
