I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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