I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
