I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
