i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
