Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
