We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
