I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
