it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
