I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
