she was so not down for the gang bang
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
