i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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