so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
