btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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