There was a lot of him and a little penis
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
