My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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