im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She's like a pop up book from hell.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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