By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
