Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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