I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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