you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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