very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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