I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
