I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
