I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
