were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
babies were throwing up all over the place
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
