Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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