i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
