Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
