I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Randomize
