um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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