So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
